


Skeleton Flowers

by SabakuNoCasali



Category: Kpop - Fandom, SHINee
Genre: Depression mentions, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-21
Updated: 2017-10-21
Packaged: 2019-01-21 00:46:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12445665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SabakuNoCasali/pseuds/SabakuNoCasali
Summary: He yearned for someone who loved him, or that was what he wished when he was young and his eyes were clear and bright, when his face showed mostly smiles and a shy heart.He dreamed of people spilling flower petals for himAnd he wished he would fall in love with them so he could ease the pain in their heart.His dreams were slowly forgotten as other things clogged his mind, his innocent dreams appart like leaves each autumn until they were gone.Gone like his clear and bright eyes.Replaced with sad nights staring at the ceiling dim in moonlightReplaced with shadows of thoughts and made his knees buckleReplaced with times when he could barely look at his reflection in the mirror, because he was sure his reflection was unlovable, just like every part of him/a Hanahaki Jongkey/





	Skeleton Flowers

_He yearned for someone who loved him, or that was what he wished when he was young and his eyes were clear and bright, when his face showed mostly smiles and a shy heart._

_He dreamed of people spilling flower petals for him_

_And he wished he would fall in love with them so he could ease the pain in their heart._

_His dreams were slowly forgotten as other things clogged his mind, his innocent dreams appart like leaves each autumn until they were gone._

_Gone like his clear and bright eyes._

_Replaced with sad nights staring at the ceiling dim in moonlight_

_Replaced with shadows of thoughts and made his knees buckle_

_Replaced with times when he could barely look at his reflection in the mirror, because he was sure his reflection was unlovable, just like every part of him_.

  
When he entered college he had to share room with someone else. A boy with attitude who clapped when he laughed, a boy who loved to travel and wearing all kinds of outfits, who tried all types of new things he would never even think of doing. And he was convinced his new roommate was his total opposite.

“Hello, I’m Kibum, nice to meet you” he wore accesories in his hands and brought lots of suitcases with him “seems like we are roomies now”

When he closed the curtains to hide, he would just open them again complaining about the lack of light.

He presented himself as ‘Kibum’ but for Jonghyun he looked like a hurricane.

A hurricane who came hanging vintage ornaments with quotes in the walls.

A hurricane who laughed at his closet and arrived way past midnight.

But he still gave him a chance.

“You know we could make a small garden near the window, to make this place feel lighter and more fresh” Kibum plunged on his bed next to Jonghyun

“Sounds fine I guess, what shall we plant” Jonghyun looked at him raising an eyebrow

“Corn”

Jonghyun snorted, kibum did too.

“Let’s get Orchids, they are my favourite, they are really cool and colorful, unlike you” kibum sticked his tongue out,

“Ok let’s do it” Jonghyun stared back at him with that one characteristic puppy face everyone said he had.

“I’m planting 30 orchids so you will feel bad for not opening the window and killing them of the lack of sunshine, that way maybe you will get some D vitamin” kibum said with a serious face and Jonghyun’s eyes went wide open.

Jonghyun started to laugh, Kibum did too.

Now for some reason that obnoxious laugh seemed like music.

They didn’t plant anything more than a succulent. They both liked it, and named it Taemin.

It took him a small while to discover the hurricane was actually kind and caring. Smart and creative, really accepting and maybe a bit quirky.

  
It was cloudy and the sky rumbled and his eyelids were closing when Kibum entered his room and put a mug with a moka capuccino in his desk.

“You look tired, and still need to finish this essay. You need some sugar” kibum massaged his shoulders and Jonghyun smiled back at him “you got this jjong”

“Thank you, Bum”

When Kibum left the room it started to drizzle, and Jonghyun decided that maybe he wasn’t a hurricane but rain.

It took him some seconds to remember

He loved rain.

He felt a weird and unusual tug in his chest.

He got almost a perfect grade and he he returned to the room to tell him. He arrived but Kibum was probably taking a shower, when he opened his mouth to talk, his throat suddenly felt tight and when he coughed, beautiful purple petals flew out, he caught them with his hands as if they were snowflakes about to melt.

Maybe he was dreaming, but when he blinked they were still there. Purple and yellow. Beautiful, elegant, with saturated colors.

It made sense almost immediately.

 _Orchids_.

  
In this summer the sun was way too dazzling, he was safe inside, hiding in his room with the air conditioner on and lazily playing videogames on his tv. Without really saying anything his best friend kicked the door and it opened creaking softly, Kibum plopped next to him, tingling sound of ices and glass.

They had moved together when they finished college, That made his flowers turn red for the first time.

Jonghyun hissed under his breath as his health bar turned red, his control vibrated, Kibum snorted sipping from his drink, he also mocked his old excuse of a pajama, a worn out tank and a pair of pants way too big for him; terrible compared to Kibum’s actual set of pjs.

Kibum had mocked his clothing since they met, and Jonghyun was annoyed at first but now he didn’t really mind, he thought Kibum was funny when he did that, as if it was a way of showing affection.

“You know, you are running out of clothes i can laugh at. I know your whole closet” Kibum told him around 5 years of knowing each other.

Jonghyun thought of it as a way of showing how much they knew about each other. “Such a weird way of showing affection” even if kibum mocked his oufits he’d intrude in his closed and pair him two or three oufits or just fix his hair when they hanged out.

It was ‘natural’ just like the pain in his lungs to the point he can barely breath nowadays.

 

_Tea or coffee?_

_Jonghyun would choose milk tea and orders kibum an iced americano with one sugar. He knows Kibum always arrives 10 minutes late each time they go for coffee, (he used to apologize for it, but it turned in such a routine that when he arrives on time Jonghyun asks him to wait 10 minutes outside, Kibum laughs and does.)_

The word popped in his mind as he noticed how much had he spaced out and now the screen was black with red letters and kibum snorted again. He turned the console off and kibum pulled jonghyun’s knee closer and rested his head on his thigh, Jonghyun felt his chest even tighter had to stop himself from coughing, he wondered of his orchids could stop coming out full of blood, because they weren’t pretty like Kibum that way, they looked just tragic in his own eyes.

Summer was always better inside because of the sun. Because of the ugly bright white walls from buildings outside, he was glad that Kibum let him paint one of the walls of the living in dark red and matching walls in shades of beige and light gray.

 

_Favourite weather?_

_Kibum liked all weathers except thunderstorms , Jonghyun liked rainy and cloudy. And because Kibum knows it he only asks jonghyun for walks in the park when it rains, he also brings an umbrella because Jonghyun always forgets it (a black one with stars inside)._

 

Just like today, so after Kibum finishes his drink he asks Jonghyun for a walk, he said no but he walked to his closet and came back with sneakers and a hoodie, and as soon as they walked out Jonghyun groaned and nuzzled his head on Kibum’s shoulder. Kibum opened the umbrella and started walking, glaring at Jonghyun who was too busy muttering under his breath about how ugly was being outside.

 

A thunder came from the sky from in between the clouds and the loud crashing sound came seconds later, Kibum jumped and Jonghyun decided he liked summer rain. They chatted and laughed under the umbrella. Like kids they closed the umbrella and jumped in the rain, drops soaking them.

 

They sat in a couple of rock stairs, hair sticking to their face, kibum stupidly opened the umbrella. As if its gonna actually help, they are already drenched in water.

 

“Thanks Bummie” jonghyun smiled at him with huge eyes and soft voice, dripping his feelings just as he was dripping water.

 

He thanked him the same way when Kibum did his best to keep him from falling apart in winter, when he cannot even walk out of the bed, much less eat.

When he cannot sleep and his crippling thoughts are just too dark and he wants to hide, he goes to Kibum’s room and holds his hand.

When his head feels like cotton and his heart just seems gray and unable to catch emotions, and he cries because he hates not being able to feel anything.

He wishes hold Kibum when he is at the verge of breaking, he loves him even even if his whole respiratory system were to collapse out of love.

Because now he doesn’t have to stare at the ceiling alone at night, and even tho he still has bags under his eyes, they don’t feel so heavy.

Because even if the dark thoughts are still there, someone holds his knees when they are about to give up. Someone takes him back home.

Because now he has accepted his reflection in the mirror, with all those flaws.

And his heart sinks when in the middle of a sentence while chatting, kibum laughs and a couple of white petals blurt from that loud laugh he is so used to. He gasps.

 

_Favourite flower?_

_Jonghyun isn’t really a huge fan of flowers; thats why he wasn’t really excited when Kibum said he wanted to have a garden in the apartment they shared .At the end they didn’t get a garden, at least not in soil, jonghyun was grateful because with the flower shop in his lungs was enough._

Kibum covers his mouth with his hands and he suddenly cannot breath, the roots in his chest twist and he feels like choking.

“Kibum..” Jonghyun grabbed a white petal in his hands delicately. Because hearts are like flowers and they should be treated carefully and softly. “You… are..”

Kibum sighs with half a breath and collects his petals, he can feel more tickling in his throat as he talks “In love… yeah, I was going to tell you”

Jonghyun’s fingers can no longer hold the starry umbrella and it falls from his hands, and now that the rain keeps falling, the white petals furiously held in Kibum’s hands are now transparent. The lonely white petal in Jonghyun’s hand is now a tiny delicate window.

 Now they are both getting drenched and Jonghyun's chest is churching painfully he fears his lungs are already collapsing, maybe his heart too. His nose probably turned red, just like his eyes, tears hiding with the rain dripping down his face. 

Now theres silence. They are both staring at each other. 

"I'm too, In love, I too cough flowers, kibum" Jonghyun mutters, clothes sticking to his frame, shivering

" _Oh"_ kibum lowered his head "are you taking the surgery?" And now his chest pounds painfully.

"no"

"who's that person, worth dying for" Kibum is almost sure his words will start tasting like blood, yet just like Jonghyun, he wasn't going to take it. 

In that moment jonghyun hugs him and leans his head over his shoulder, he takes a deep breath and he sees his broad figure just breathing, up and down. "I always said i didn't have a favourite flower, because skeleton flowers are just so rare, yet, they are in your chest. You have them inside, hurting you"

Jonghyun notices kibum's heart beating faster "our appartment might not have enough orchids, but i hope the ones in my lungs can make up for that, they grew there, because I love you Kibum"

Kibum held his chest and pushed jonghyun aside gasping for air. "I can breathe" and smiling, "I can breathe and I love you Jonghyun. Jonghyun smiled wide and took a deep and clear breath for the first time in a lot of time.

And just like usual he hugged kibum and leaned on his shoulder, but for the first time, their lips locked softly. It tasted like rain but it was just as warm as their heart.

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
